Dear future Danielle,
While you've been (thinking about) writing this entry, you've been living through some thrilling and trying times. Never in your wildest dreams did you expect to be married at age 26 - even your closest friends never thought that you'd be talking ever about your wedding plans. But that was then and this is now. With Julien, you are planning and preparing for one of the biggest leaps of faith that you'll take in your 20s.
There are myriad things to remember about this time...
...Remember why you are doing it. This wedding is not predicated on others' expectations. It's not even predicated on your need for a legal way of staying in France with your cheri. The job offer from the Université de Grenoble arrived literally hours before you went to pick up the contrat de mariage from the notaire, alleviating the (immediate) need for a working visa. On the drive from Tain to Guilherand Granges, you and Ju realized that this was what you truly wanted. An opportunity to publicly affirm your commitment to each other. An opportunity, as well, to celebrate that commitment. You both recognized that the unconventional nature of the relationship was precisely what made it so strong. Never mind the misgivings of friends and family, worried that you hadn't lived together long enough or known each other long enough or who failed to comprehend being in a relationship with someone who's native language and culture was not your own. It has always been hard to explain to others how the constant battle to find ways in to return to France - as a student, as a teaching assistant - in fact brought you closer to Ju; that coming from a different place (all the while having the French family link) helps to keep both of you open minded and attentive to the needs and expectations of one another. And especially that the Sisyphean task of paperwork has served as invaluable practice in the lessons of patience and determination.
...Remember the investments you made. Paperasse, ah! la paperasse. Not that you're saying people plan to rush into a marriage, but that is soo far from your case! Over the past 4 years you've always had extra reasons to go back to France: desire to travel, working on your Masters, love of fromage, whatever - but the underlying reason was always Ju. Each time you waited, anxiously to see if the visa was issued in the US, and palms sweaty at the OFII, while doctors poked and curmudgeons looked over the file before validating the residency card, you would curse being in love with a Frenchman...but then his face and embrace would whisk those thoughts away. Well, the investment of the past 4 years (including waking up extra early for a year in DC just to have a few minutes to chat with him online while he was on his lunch break, before heading to work in the coffeehouse) was double by the investment that you put in over the past few weeks, collecting document after document in order to complete the wedding file. For a foreigner to wed a French person, (s)he must present:
- a birth certificate issued within the past 6 months + translation of government-certified translator
- a certificat de coutume issued by the US Constulate (in Lyon)
- a certificat de célibat also issued by the Consulate
- proof of residency: in this case, since my name isn't on the bills here, they wanted proof that I live in NC...never mind the fact that I've spent a total of what, 3 months there in as many years? I don't ask questions, just turned in: a letter (in French) signed by my mom, copy of her ID, and copy of electricity bill...
- proof of living in Tain (in this case, my residency card in my passport and a copy of my fiche de paie (pay stub))
- copy of ID (passport)
- all that in addition to the usual papers (information about family, parents, job, etc).
These documents are not difficult to obtain, luckily, but it took time and money, nevertheless. And of course there were the incidental challenges...
...Remember overcoming the headaches together. Initially, the plan was to get PACs'ed (civil union). When that went out the window, since it is an arrangement that would have afforded no protections or benefits to a foreigner until you had been PACs'ed for 1 year, y'all didn't sweat it. The gods smiled on you for a brief moment when it happened that the mairie had a free slot for a wedding on 12 May 2012 - a mere 6 weeks after Ju went to see about scheduling the ceremony. Of course we laughed at the bewildered expressions of the secretaries, "You mean May 2013, right?!?" .. "Non, non, May 2012!" It seemed that things were going especially well when they said that the papers for the PACs and for a wedding were the same.
**Life lesson** NEVER listen to secretaries!!! (or, to be more fair, ALWAYS triple check information regarding important administrative paperwork!)
As it turns out, the paperwork is not the same. Stupidly, I had waited until April 26th (2 weeks and 1 day before the BIG day) to start turning in papers. And lo, at 16h on a Thursday, I learned that I was missing 2 very critical things: the certificat de célibat and an apostille on the birth certificate. OMG. Panic. Fighting every instinct to ream out the clearly incompetent civil employee in irate franglais. Tears behind sunglasses before I even left the building. How could he have failed to mention the apostille (which certifies the legality of the doc outside the US), yet known that it was so important that it was literally the first thing he looked for?!?! What was it? Where could I get one? How could someone even dare to so calmly say, "Well, you have 2 weeks, hopefully things will work out for you." WFT?!? In France, getting something done in 2 weeks is considered a miracle! So, we had to hope for a miracle.
Your parents might not love that you've decided to live so far away, but they are the most supportive people you could hope to have in your entourage, and for that you count your blessings everyday. When you called your mom, bawling, she calmed you down so that you could email, and then call, the US Consulate about both documents. Within an hour, you had called the Consulate for an appointment (the following Friday) to get the certificat de célibat ; you had also researched the apostille and called the Johnson City Registrar, the Broome County Clerks Office, and the NYS State Department. When Ju arrived home at 5pm, you were still crying your eyes out in anger, but a plan was forming.
To make this long story a little shorter: ultimately, my dad was awakened at 3am EST on Friday, the 27th, as you called him in a panic from the post office. Overnight delivery doesn't really happen here in France, apparently, even when you pay put the wazoo for the speediest service! The best they could hesitantly offer was that my birth certificate *might* arrive in the States on Saturday afternoon (it arrived on Monday) - the reason for calling Dad was that had the document been sent to NC, it would've taken longer - up to 5 days. Shipping to an address near NYC was the best hope for quick delivery. Why so pressed for time? Because once my birth certificate arrived in the US, it needed to go to Broome Cty Clerk for an official signature, then make its way to Albany for the apostille, then back to NJ, then back to Tain. In less than 2 weeks. Ju, in the meanwhile, had brokered a deal with the mairie: if Dad received the document before the wedding and emailed a scanned copy, the file would be accepted as complete, so long as the original was being expedited to France. Luckily, that didn't happen: USPS Express saved the wedding! We had a scanned copy 1 week before the big day, sent it to a super competent, understanding translator, and were able to submit the original birth certificate, with it's official proofs and their translations, on the Thursday before the wedding. A few sleepless nights, a lot of tracking numbers, and good communication kept the ball rolling. It should be said that Dad and Bonne Maman were the stars of the affair, understanding my schema for sending the dox with the least amount of back-and-forth, calling the offices to stay on top of where the document was at all times, and keeping me informed the whole way though. They truly played a huge role in saving the wedding!
...Remember the look in his eyes. When you were shopping for his suit and shoes and, oh yeah, the rings, a mere 3 weeks before the 12th. In the jewelry store, trying on rings, and the shopkeeper's jaw dropping when you told her that the wedding was so soon. Her, flustered, ushering you to a different case (the non custom-made rings) where, as luck would have it, there were 2 rings that bit you both. And Ju's look of pure joy when you put your heads together to come up with the engravings...yes, because even if this was all quite precipitated and you had never spent lazy afternoons dreaming up the perfect message to put in a wedding band, this was the moment when it all started feeling real. And really awesome.
...And remember the last-minute proposal?! One week before the wedding, at the chapelle on the hill, in the vineyards, overlooking Tain and the Rhone, on a perfect Saturday afternoon. It was the one bit of tradition that you had requested. Convinced that he had forgotten or was just too wrapped up in finding "the perfect moment", two days earlier you had bet 5€ that he wouldn't ask. But he did, on one knee, like in the movies. You laughed and teared up behind your sunglasses, and it was one of those fantastic moments you should always remember. You paid your debt in ice cream later that afternoon.
So, in a few months or in a few years, when the glow has worn off and you're feeling blasé about it all, just remember that these were some of the happiest, most exciting, love-filled days of your life!!
Oh, and for those who don't know just how gorgeous this new place that I call home is, here's a little report that was on the news a few weeks ago:
Zoom sur Valence (TF1)
