Mariage pleuvieux, mariage heureux

Saying  "oui" in front of the mayor and Sarkozy

As we heard several times on our wedding day, mariage pleuvieux, mariage heureux: rainy wedding, happy marriage...luckily for us, it only rained in the morning while we were busy picking up the catering. By the time I had my hair appointment, it was clearing up, and for the rest of the afternoon, during the ceremony and reception, it was simply overcast. Despite the uncooperative weather, the mood was cheerful and festive, as we gathered at the mairie. We opted for a simple civil ceremony: this ceremony takes place at the town hall, and for us, was officiated by the mayor. Although I thought we would say our vows with only the witnesses present, the tradition is that guests come to see the service, too. Luckily we only had 15 guests, but the room could probably have help up to 30 people comfortably. Our guests included Ju's mom, Laurence, her friend, Eric, Ju's sister, Alice; my great-aunt and uncle, Francoise and Dominique, who drove from over by Bordeaux in order to represent my family; and several of Ju's closest friends. Our witnesses were Alice, Dominique, and Ju's friend, Fanny.

The mayor made his little speeches with a few corny jokes about Ju (since he is technically Ju's boss) and about the US (about Route 66) and read through the official texts. I tried to pay attention and absorb the moment, but quite honestly, I was too nervous that each time we had to stand up or sit down, my dress would be bunched up and I would moon my guests, or that I would say "Oui!" at the wrong time...oh well, it's all on tape so I can always re-watch later! The whole "I do" part went super quick, and then suddenly it was over! We were married, and then we exchanged our rings. I had a brain fart and tried to put the ring on Ju's right hand. Oops!

Les alliances ! 

When you're a foreigner, you have to file a million papers to get the marriage license approved, right? Well, during the ceremony, signatures are quite important: first, the couple, the witnesses, and the person officiating. Then comes the initialing all documents in the file. Seriously, I think this was the longest part of the afternoon, what with all the certificates of this and that and the translations. Once all the the Is were dotted and Ts were crossed, we headed to the reception hall for champagne! 

 

 

les invitées

Popping champagne

Ah! Le fromage, most important part!

So one perk of not ever having dreamed up the perfect wedding was that Ju and I basically just ordered whatever food we wanted, like kids in a candy shop. We opted for an apéro-dinatoire, a very filling assortment of cocktail bites and whatnot, rather than a sit-down dinner, preferring to encourage a relaxed atmosphere where people could stand and mingle. On the menu: feilleutés (puff pastry with cheese, olives, etc) and champagne; tarte de ravioles; pizza provencale (eggplant, olive, fresh tomato amazingness); an assortment of cocktail bites (mostly for the non-vegetarians) including foie gras macarons, salmon/pesto millefeuille, little toasts with duck and foie gras/tapenade and cured ham/roasted red peppers, shrimp with marinated sun-dried tomato, scallop with sautéed veggie, mousseline of asparagus...then, there was hummus, confit of eggplant and tomato, and zucchini beignet from my fave Lebanese spot in Valence...and then the fromage, oh! the fromage - 2 platters, a total of 10 wonderfully stinky cheeses (all-inclusive: lait de vache, de chevre, et de brebis bien sûr!) which included some classics, like camembert, and some discoveries like my new favorites, Epoisses and Langres..all this time, we drank Crozes-Hermitage (rouge) and St Joseph (rouge), both Rhone wines; for dessert Clairette de Die (sparkling dessert wine) and 2 cakes: triple chocolate mousse and fresh fruits on a gâteau breton with vanilla cream filling. Omg. Delish.

Avec Ju's mom et sister

 Avec Dominique et Francois

We started our reception-party around 16h...things wrapped up around 1am, and by 1h30, we had cleaned and straightened the hall. My dad's side of the family sent us some lovely videos, and I basically cried my eyes out watching them when we got home. Chalk it up to the wine, the fatigue, and the surprising challenge of getting married when your family can't be there...so all the cards and emails and messages were probably even more meaningful than in a standard situation. Even though I made a somewhat selfish decision to get married abroad on such short notice, I've realized that I am blessed to have an amazingly supportive family and group of friends, who went out of their way to be with us in spirit that day. I am so thankful.

It was a crazy adventure leading up to our wedding, from the fact that despite the distance we've stayed together and loyal for 4 years to the last-minute paperwork scare, and I am so excited to see where we end up going from here. It's still weird to think that I'm married now, I really never thought I would be wearing this gold ring on my left ring finger, but at the same time, I know that this is one of the best decisions I've ever made. And I can't wait to come to the US with Ju later this winter so he can finally meet everyone!

Making do avec trois fois rien

Simple and sweet

Through his work, Ju reserved us a reception hall a few blocks away from the mairie. On the pro side, less stress for his mom (we originally thought about having the reception at her house, in her yard) and no worries about bothering neighbors with music; on the con side, we had only 17 guests coming! So much space for such a small group! Even at 1 week before the wedding, we were debating canceling the caterer and recalibrating for something even more intimate, inviting the witnesses to a restaurant...but as you can see, we chose for the small party in a big room. 
 
We got the keys to the room on Friday around noontime. That morning, we had run to Valence to get our dishes, etc, that we had rented for the occasion. Our small apartment is already filled to overflowing, so no space to store more plates and champagne glasses, and we wanted as "green" an affair as possible, so extremely limited disposables. We also picked up our decoration flowers (white roses, yellow freesia) and cheese (!!). After a few trips between the apartment and the hall, we settled into solving the puzzle of how to set up tables and chairs. With our limited time and budget, we didn't have partitions or anything to break up the space. I hadn't even seen the room until Friday, so the images I had had in my head instantly flew out the window when I saw that we were dealing with rectangular tables rather than square ones, etc. We played around with several configurations, opting finally for a long buffet and a long table for the guests, with 2 small stand-up tables. I worked on arranging flowers while Ju stocked the bar and set up the music. The two best things about the hall were the kitchen/bar area, with sink, huge fridge, oven, and copious storage space, as well as the big windows. As it turned out, though, the weather was stunning Friday and Sunday, and on Saturday it was rainy in the morning and overcast all afternoon. You can't win 'em all, I guess. 

Once we were satisfied with our work, having done our best to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, and having received the approval of Ju's mom and sister, we headed home, exhausted. We decided that pizza and red wine was the most appropriate meal for out last night as unmarried kids (aka the easiest thing to eat with the least amount of effort required) and were up into the wee hours of the morning working on the playlist. 

I guess that's the image of how anti-bride I am: stuffing my face with salty, delicious pizza and staying up late - under-eye bags, be damned! - on the night before the wedding.

General idea of the configuration

Tout pret for a champagne toast!

Les dragées en noir et blanc, hand packaged by your's truly

Dear future Danielle...

Dear future Danielle, 

While you've been (thinking about) writing this entry, you've been living through some thrilling and trying times. Never in your wildest dreams did you expect to be married at age 26 - even your closest friends never thought that you'd be talking ever about your wedding plans. But that was then and this is now. With Julien, you are planning and preparing for one of the biggest leaps of faith that you'll take in your 20s. 

There are myriad things to remember about this time...

...Remember why you are doing it. This wedding is not predicated on others' expectations. It's not even predicated on your need for a legal way of staying in France with your cheri. The job offer from the Université de Grenoble arrived literally hours before you went to pick up the contrat de mariage from the notaire, alleviating the (immediate) need for a working visa. On the drive from Tain to Guilherand Granges, you and Ju realized that this was what you truly wanted. An opportunity to publicly affirm your commitment to each other. An opportunity, as well, to celebrate that commitment. You both recognized that the unconventional nature of the relationship was precisely what made it so strong. Never mind the misgivings of friends and family, worried that you hadn't lived together long enough or known each other long enough or who failed to comprehend being in a relationship with someone who's native language and culture was not your own. It has always been hard to explain to others how the constant battle to find ways in to return to France - as a student, as a teaching assistant - in fact brought you closer to Ju; that coming from a different place (all the while having the French family link) helps to keep both of you open minded and attentive to the needs and expectations of one another. And especially that the Sisyphean task of paperwork has served as invaluable practice in the lessons of patience and determination. 

...Remember the investments you made. Paperasse, ah! la paperasse. Not that you're saying people plan to rush into a marriage, but that is soo far from your case! Over the past 4 years you've always had extra reasons to go back to France: desire to travel, working on your Masters, love of fromage, whatever - but the underlying reason was always Ju. Each time you waited, anxiously to see if the visa was issued in the US, and palms sweaty at the OFII, while doctors poked and curmudgeons looked over the file before validating the residency card, you would curse being in love with a Frenchman...but then his face and embrace would whisk those thoughts away. Well, the investment of the past 4 years (including waking up extra early for a year in DC just to have a few minutes to chat with him online while he was on his lunch break, before heading to work in the coffeehouse) was double by the investment that you put in over the past few weeks, collecting document after document in order to complete the wedding file. For a foreigner to wed a French person, (s)he must present:

- a birth certificate issued within the past 6 months + translation of government-certified translator

- a certificat de coutume issued by the US Constulate (in Lyon)

- a certificat de célibat also issued by the Consulate

- proof of residency: in this case, since my name isn't on the bills here, they wanted proof that I live in NC...never mind the fact that I've spent a total of what, 3 months there in as many years? I don't ask questions, just turned in: a letter (in French) signed by my mom, copy of her ID, and copy of electricity bill...

- proof of living in Tain (in this case, my residency card in my passport and a copy of my fiche de paie (pay stub))

- copy of ID (passport)

- all that in addition to the usual papers (information about family, parents, job, etc). 

These documents are not difficult to obtain, luckily, but it took time and money, nevertheless. And of course there were the incidental challenges...

...Remember overcoming the headaches together. Initially, the plan was to get PACs'ed (civil union). When that went out the window, since it is an arrangement that would have afforded no protections or benefits to a foreigner until you had been PACs'ed for 1 year, y'all didn't sweat it. The gods smiled on you for a brief moment when it happened that the mairie had a free slot for a wedding on 12 May 2012 - a mere 6 weeks after Ju went to see about scheduling the ceremony. Of course we laughed at the bewildered expressions of the secretaries, "You mean May 2013, right?!?" .. "Non, non, May 2012!" It seemed that things were going especially well when they said that the papers for the PACs and for a wedding were the same. 

**Life lesson** NEVER listen to secretaries!!! (or, to be more fair, ALWAYS triple check information regarding important administrative paperwork!)

   As it turns out, the paperwork is not the same. Stupidly, I had waited until April 26th (2 weeks and 1 day before the BIG day) to start turning in papers. And lo, at 16h on a Thursday, I learned that I was missing 2 very critical things: the certificat de célibat and an apostille on the birth certificate. OMG. Panic. Fighting every instinct to ream out the clearly incompetent civil employee in irate franglais. Tears behind sunglasses before I even left the building. How could he have failed to mention the apostille (which certifies the legality of the doc outside the US), yet known that it was so important that it was literally the first thing he looked for?!?! What was it? Where could I get one? How could someone even dare to so calmly say, "Well, you have 2 weeks, hopefully things will work out for you." WFT?!? In France, getting something done in 2 weeks is considered a miracle! So, we had to hope for a miracle. 

   Your parents might not love that you've decided to live so far away, but they are the most supportive people you could hope to have in your entourage, and for that you count your blessings everyday. When you called your mom, bawling, she calmed you down so that you could email, and then call, the US Consulate about both documents. Within an hour, you had called the Consulate for an appointment (the following Friday) to get the certificat de célibat ; you had also researched the apostille and called the Johnson City Registrar, the Broome County Clerks Office, and the NYS State Department. When Ju arrived home at 5pm, you were still crying your eyes out in anger, but a plan was forming. 

   To make this long story a little shorter: ultimately, my dad was awakened at 3am EST on Friday, the 27th, as you called him in a panic from the post office. Overnight delivery doesn't really happen here in France, apparently, even when you pay put the wazoo for the speediest service! The best they could hesitantly offer was that my birth certificate *might* arrive in the States on Saturday afternoon (it arrived on Monday) - the reason for calling Dad was that had the document been sent to NC, it would've taken longer - up to 5 days. Shipping to an address near NYC was the best hope for quick delivery. Why so pressed for time? Because once my birth certificate arrived in the US, it needed to go to Broome Cty Clerk for an official signature, then make its way to Albany for the apostille, then back to NJ, then back to Tain. In less than 2 weeks. Ju, in the meanwhile, had brokered a deal with the mairie: if Dad received the document before the wedding and emailed a scanned copy, the file would be accepted as complete, so long as the original was being expedited to France. Luckily, that didn't happen: USPS Express saved the wedding! We had a scanned copy 1 week before the big day, sent it to a super competent, understanding translator, and were able to submit the original birth certificate, with it's official proofs and their translations, on the Thursday before the wedding. A few sleepless nights, a lot of tracking numbers, and good communication kept the ball rolling. It should be said that Dad and Bonne Maman were the stars of the affair, understanding my schema for sending the dox with the least amount of back-and-forth, calling the offices to stay on top of where the document was at all times, and keeping me informed the whole way though. They truly played a huge role in saving the wedding! 

...Remember the look in his eyes. When you were shopping for his suit and shoes and, oh yeah, the rings, a mere 3 weeks before the 12th. In the jewelry store, trying on rings, and the shopkeeper's jaw dropping when you told her that the wedding was so soon. Her, flustered, ushering you to a different case (the non custom-made rings) where, as luck would have it, there were 2 rings that bit you both. And Ju's look of pure joy when you put your heads together to come up with the engravings...yes, because even if this was all quite precipitated and you had never spent lazy afternoons dreaming up the perfect message to put in a wedding band, this was the moment when it all started feeling real. And really awesome. 

...And remember the last-minute proposal?! One week before the wedding, at the chapelle on the hill, in the vineyards, overlooking Tain and the Rhone, on a perfect Saturday afternoon. It was the one bit of tradition that you had requested. Convinced that he had forgotten or was just too wrapped up in finding "the perfect moment", two days earlier you had bet 5€ that he wouldn't ask. But he did, on one knee, like in the movies. You laughed and teared up behind your sunglasses, and it was one of those fantastic moments you should always remember. You paid your debt in ice cream later that afternoon. 

So, in a few months or in a few years, when the glow has worn off and you're feeling blasé about it all, just remember that these were some of the happiest, most exciting, love-filled days of your life!!

Oh, and for those who don't know just how gorgeous this new place that I call home is, here's a little report that was on the news a few weeks ago:

Zoom sur Valence (TF1)